a compilation of lines from student papers, collected by history
and English teachers, and put together by Richard Lederer; published
in Ann Landers' column 7 27 2000:
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole
his brother's birthmark. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to
of Egypt were called mummies. They traveled by Camelot. Moses led the
Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which
is bread made without any ingredients. David was a Hebrew king who fought
the Philatelists. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500
invented three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. The
mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Styx until he became intolerable.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. Socrates
was a famous Greek teacher who died from an overdose of wedlock.
the Ramones conquered the Greeks. Nero was a cruel tyrant who tortured
his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Middle Ages, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings.
Joan of Arc was canonized by George Bernard Shaw. The Magna Carta provided
that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. William
Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
Renaissance, Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg
for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated
by a bull. The painter Donatello's interest in the female nude made
him the father of the Renaissance. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir
Walter Raleigh invented cigarettes, and Sir Francis Drake circumcised
the world with a 100-foot clipper.
navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo. William Shakespeare wrote about
Romeo and Juliet, a romantic couplet. Miguel Cervantes wrote ``Donkey
Hote.'' John Milton wrote ``Paradise Lost.'' Then, his wife died, and
he wrote ``Paradise Regained.''
Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing
about the Atlantic. His ships were the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa
the causes of the Revolutionary War was that the English put tacks in
their tea. Benjamin Franklin invented electricity by rubbing cats backward.
Franklin died in 1790, and is still dead.
was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in autumn, when
the apples are falling off the trees. Bach and Handel were famous composers.
Handel was half-German, half-Italian and half-English. He was very large.
Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven was so deaf that he wrote
loud music. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur
discovered a cure for rabbis. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl
Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.