APPROPRIATE NAMES
Many of these names are original products of my warped imagination; many of them are collected from National Public Radio's Prairie Home Companion and Car Talk programs. The occupations and professions of those fictitiously named persons are those which seem (to me) to be fitting, according to the names. If you readers wish to add to this collection, please e-mail me at
spike@spike-jamie.com. If you give me your name, it will be posted along with your contribution.
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Family counselor, MARION HASTE;
Chemist, JACQUELINE HYDE;
Waiter, AL FRESCO;
Unemployment counselor, ART MAJORS;
Law Office of DEWEY, CHEATEM & HOWE;
Landscaper PETE MOSS;
Lineman, GUY WIRE;
Herpetologist, ANNA CONDA;
The manager of the country music department, STAN BYERMAN;
Respiratory therapist, XAVIER BREATH;
Psychologist, SARAH BELLUM;
Fashion coordinator, NATALIE DRESSED;
Nudist camp counselor, BUCK NAKED;
Driving instructor, OTTO BONN;
Physician, JERRY ATRIC;
Diplomat, WARREN PEACE;
Mechanic, EMANUEL TRANSMISSION;
Real estate broker, ERNEST MONEY;
Musician's assistant, PAIGE TURNER;
Drill Sergeant, NORMAN CONQUEST;
Philosopher, MANNY FESTO;
Mass murderers, NICK O'TEEN and his brother GIL;
Editor, SHIRLEY U. WRIGHT;
Car repairman, DENTON FENDER;
Surfer girl, SANDY BEECH;
Herder of naugas, POLLY ETHYLENE;
Sexual harassment chairperson, PAT McCANN;
Poet, ANN ONYMOUS;
Wino, SHERRY D. CANTER;
Math tutor, ED U. CATOR;
Soap opera writer, MAUDE LYNN;
Comedienne, SHIRLEY EUGEST;
Amazon warrior, BELLA KOSE;
Expert on apathy, MOIRA LESS;
Sanskrit as a second language tutor, POLLY GLOT;
Restaurateur, BILL O'FARE;
Expert on whining, HAP N. STANCE;
Breakfast speaker, MELBA TOAST;
Interior decorator, NICK KNACK;
Fry cook, PATTY MELT;
Excavator, DOUG TRENCHES;
Florist, ROSE BUDD;
Chef, CANDY YAMS;
Taxi driver, RICK SHAW;
Art historian, NEIL POLITAN;
Confectioner, PATTY CAKE;
Nursing home administrator, POLLY GRIPP;
Disc jockey, ROGER WILCO;
Mud wrestler, CONNIE QUISTADOR;
Gambler, PERRY MUTUEL;
Mason, TERRY COTTA;
Pathological liar, TARA DIDDLE;
Vulcanologist, AL ASKA;
Charity worker, SHARON WEALTH;
Prankster, MISS CHEVIOUS;
Yard care entrepreneur, PADDY O'FURNITURE;
Valet, MAHATMA COAT;
Shipbuilder, POP RIVETS;
Race-car driver, REX GALORE
Barracks manager, LEW TENANT
Travel agent, WANDA LUST
Mortician, MYRA GRETS
Biker, BERNE TOULOUSE
KFC attorneys, KATCHEM, PLUCKEM, BROASTEM, & EDEM
Oscar winner, STELLA ATTRACTION
Charity solicitor, MARSHA DIMES
Waitress, ANNIE DAYNOW
Judo sensei, MARSHALL ARTS
Farm worker, MANUEL LABOR
Retailer, CLARENCE SALE
Heiress, SHARON SHARALIKE
Return merchandise counterperson, ALEX SOLD YA NITZEN
Blues singer, MAMAMA DONE TOLEME
Superior Court JUDGE MENTAL
Doting grandmother, MOLLY CODDLE
Wine expert, ELDA BERRY
Worm grower, EARLY BYRD
Psychologist, WATTS D. MATTA
National park ranger, JOSHUA TREE
Trawler owner, ANNE CHOVEE
Farrier, BLACKIE SMITH
Incompetent lifeguard, XAVIER ONASSIS
Best friend, RICH BLESSING
Ex-smoker, EVAN ESCENCE
Escaped prisoner, SCOTT FREE
Inquiring reporter, RHEA TORICAL
Husband & wife Broadway critics, SAM & JANET EVENING
Perennial pest, HEYWOOD YABUZZOFF
Absent-minded party guest, ADAM ADENHOUR
Evangelist, NEIL DUPREE
Moto-Cross queen, RHODA HARLEY
Watch repairman, JUSTIN TIME
First-grade teacher, ELLA MENTARY
Sales Manager in Iraq, AZZIZNO WARRANTY
Pollster, ILENE YOURWAY
Irish surgeon, ANGIE O'PLASTY
Old lover, ROBIN de CRADLE
Hosier, LEO TARD
Geneticist, JEAN POOLE
Actress in a one-man show, MONA LOG
Mathematician and Mona's sister, ANNA LOG
Charity solicitor, HOMER OFFICE
Plumber, LEE KING
Misdemeanant, UPTON O'GOODE
Seat cover inspector, MIKE EASTER
Used car salesperson, SACHA DEEL
Statistician, MARGE N. OVERROR
Divorcee, CARMINE NOTYERS
Porn movie producer, HANK E. PANKY
British snob, ISAIAH OLCHAP
Romance novel writer, MARY FERLOVE
Florida election commissioner, EMANUEL RECOUNT
Genealogist, MANNY CUZZINS
Credit Card manager, MAX STOUT
Horticulturist, ANN DROMEDA
Bird watcher, LUKE OUTAWINDO
Carillon player, ISABEL RINGING
Story teller, ALISON WONDERLAND
Circus giant, HUGH MUNGUS
Pretender to royalty, MEG LOMANIA
Australian auto advisor, WALKING MATILDA
Strawberry picker, BEN DOVER
Opera prompter, BARBARA SEVILLE
Parking meter attendant, NICHOLAS PUTIN
Russian chauffeurs, PIKOP AND DROPOV
Modern fabulist, GILDA LILY
Editor, MAYA PINION
Martyr, KIRSTEN REVILED
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VAN GOGH'S RELATIVES
Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:
His obnoxious brother.............................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt ...................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes........................Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store.....Stopn Gogh
The grandfather autoworker from Yugoslavia...........U. Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white........Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois..........................Chica Gogh
His magician uncle................................Wherediddy Gogh
His friendly Mexican cousin.........................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother........Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach................Wellsfar Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt.........................Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle..............................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst..........................E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin...........................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking..............Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew..........................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco..........................Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van....Winnie Bay Gogh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tate Family
How many members of the Tate family belong to your organization?
There is old man Dic Tate, who wants to run everything, while Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything. Their sister-in-law Agi Tate stirs up plenty of trouble, with help from her husband, Irri Tate.
Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi Tate and his wife Vege Tate, want to wait until next year. Then there is Aunt Imi Tate, who wants your organization to be like all the others. Devas Tate provides the voice of doom.
And of course, there is the black sheep of the family, Ampu Tate, who has cut himself off from the mainstream! But not all the members of the Tate family are bad.
Facili Tate is quite helpful. And a delightful, happy member of the family is Miss Felici Tate.
Cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate are always thinking things over and lend helpful, steady hands.
